After last week, I took a step back and reevaluated a lot. The campaign finished 9 days ago, but it continues to run through my head. Now that I’ve had the space away from funding, I’m going to write a retrospective on this whole experience. A couple people have expressed interest in that, but I don’t know that I’m going to fulfill their request as expected.

A typical retrospective might just go over ideation to crowdfunding to fulfillment and throw some high-fives at myself, but I don’t think that’s honest. Rather, I’m writing this to organize my thoughts and answer a single question: would I crowdfund again?

The Creative Engine Keeps Humming

I’ll still make games after this. I don’t think I can stop. This weekend I’ve written half the rules for the next game after Blightfall. I’ve also finalized the back cover of Blightfall, meaning it’s ready to go to the printer.

However, with the time away and a significant flub on my part recently, things have shifted into better perspective. I don’t like what crowdfunding did to me. It kept me glued to the phone, keeping an eye out for promotional opportunities on Bluesky and various Discord servers. I was also part of the Zine Month conversation and constantly interacting with my fellow creators. While I appreciate the community aspect–I’ve never felt so enmeshed in the RPG space–it warped my mind.

It hit me that I don’t have to be on these sites. They’re not great for me. I barely looked at Bluesky and Discord this week. My life should be about time with friends and family, not screens. But somehow, crowdfunding changed that. I felt like I had to be online. I felt like I had to be ON. (To that end, I will also be posting blogs less frequently. When it’s convenient, not on some imagined deadline.)

The entire point of this blog was to have a quiet space to organize my thoughts. A sort of living journal that allowed interaction with my close friends. Instead I started sharing it around. And yes, I think some people got mileage out of certain posts, namely the Three Blightfalls and the Gates of Krystalia entries, but I also ended up mouthing off and using hyperbolic language that genuinely hurt people.

The Pros and Cons of Crowdfunding

I wouldn’t have raised as much without crowdfunding, full stop. Nor would I have met the people I did. Then again, does selling more copies of the game mean anything?

Like yes, obviously money, but some of that money was spent doing things for the crowdfund, like an intro video or actual play. What I mean is, I didn’t gain some secret metacurrency (wow what a game designer way of thinking) that made life more enjoyable. And the amount of time spent getting to the point of crowdfunding far exceeded the financial return. Even with its success, any profit I make will be marginal.

I’m lucky enough that making games isn’t something additional I need to do to survive financially. I argue that I need a creative outlet to survive emotionally, but crowdfunding doesn’t have to be part of it. I could just itch fund, or trying to go through a publisher and have them take on more of the burden, or just plop it on the internet for a price/free and let whomever finds it enjoy.

Really, the question comes down to how much work I want to put in versus whatever it is I get out of it. And the journey isn’t complete on the Blightfall crowdfund, so I can’t answer this question yet. Maybe in the fulfillment of the game, I learn something new or get rewarded with that fabled ‘metacurrency’ I was hoping to find. Time will tell.

So I’ll be writing about the process, but with the purpose of answering my question on crowdfunding in the future. I am glad I tried crowdfunding at least this once. Having a deadline was good. The work was good. The work is the point. But only some of the work. Figuring out international shipping is not the enjoyable work.

Should I abandon the work that doesn’t enrich me and just focus on the act of creation? Or is there enough reward at the end of this journey that a few bumps are worth it?

Shrug.